What would actually make you feel wanted?

Being pursued, obviously, with no ambiguity about it.Somebody still there on the entirely boring Tuesday.Being the person they most want to talk to.Being looked after without having had to ask for it.Being told, out loud, in front of other people.Somebody quietly dealing with the thing you were dreading.

Your idea of a good weekend together:

Nowhere, slowly, with genuinely excellent food.Three unrelated things and a conversation that runs all day.Home, both of you, nothing required of anybody.Something worth getting properly dressed up for.Sorting the thing that has bothered you both for a month.Somewhere lovely, with no decisions left to make.

How you want a disagreement to go:

Talked through from six angles until it dissolves.Gently, with somebody checking you are all right afterwards.Loudly, briefly, and then generously.Specifically. What happened, what changes, done.Calmly and fairly, with nobody raising their voice.Honestly, all the way down, however long that takes.

What would you find hardest in a partner?

Somebody who will not say what is wrong.Somebody stingy with praise.Somebody who never notices what needs doing.Somebody who enjoys conflict.Somebody who keeps their options open.Somebody who wants to know where you are at all times.

Pick the love you would rather have:

Extravagant, and faintly embarrassing in public.Practical, attentive, and never once late.Elegant, considerate, and easy to be inside.Total, private, and not remotely casual.Adventurous, honest, and a little uncontained.Steady, unglamorous, and still there in twenty years.

What do you want them to do when you are low?

Fix one concrete thing, without a discussion about it.Make everything around you easier and softer.Sit in it with you and not try to solve it.Get you out of the house and somewhere else entirely.Handle the logistics so you only have to feel it.Ask the question that reframes the whole thing.

Pick the deal-breaker:

Rudeness to people who cannot answer back.Being lied to about something small.Somebody who never wants to go anywhere.Somebody with no plan and no intention of making one.Somebody who needs you to agree with them.Somebody who gets unkind when they are tired.

How fast do you want it to move?

Slowly, and then completely.Quickly, and somewhere else, ideally abroad.At the speed of something being built properly.However it goes. You are not on anybody's timetable.By feel. You will know long before there is evidence.Immediately. You knew inside the first ten minutes.

What do you want to be admired for?

Your nerve, and where it keeps taking you.What you have built, brick by patient brick.How you think, especially when it is sideways.How kind you are when nobody is watching.Going first, before anyone else moves.That you can be relied on completely.

The thing you want in ten years:

A house that is paid for, and a person who stayed.Two independent lives that keep choosing each other.Somebody who still understands you without the explanation.To still fancy each other, obviously and loudly.The same table, the same person, better wine.To still be genuinely interesting to each other.

What would make you stay through a hard year?

Respect. For you it is the entire thing.That they were gentle with you when they did not have to be.That they fought for it, visibly.That they did not leave. That is it. That is the answer.That you could still talk to them at two in the morning.That they made a home you could be unwell in.

Pick the romance:

Being understood before you have said anything.Being chosen instantly, with no hedging whatsoever.Being fed, warm, and touched a great deal.A conversation that neither of you wanted to end.Somebody remembering the thing you mentioned once.Being somebody's favourite thing to show off.