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explorer
Pick up the trail
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Somebody has to make the call that everyone will hate. You:
Make it alone, and take the blame on purpose.
Make it, say why out loud, and stand there while people react.
Make it loudly and certainly, then privately wonder all night.
Make it, and make sure nobody ever finds out it was you.
What you do with a talent you know you have:
Be insufferable about it for years, then get humbled hard.
Hold most of it back, because the full version frightens you.
Use about sixty percent of it and joke about the rest.
Use it on people, which is not quite the same as using it.
Your family, in one line:
A large name, and a father you are still arguing with.
Golden, loud, and a sibling you cannot stop competing with.
Something happened, and you have been rebuilding around it since.
Chosen. The people you picked, not the ones you were issued.
How you handle somebody being disappointed in you:
Badly. It is the only thing that genuinely gets through.
Go quiet, work harder, and never mention it again.
Withdraw, in case the next part is worse.
Get spiteful, then apologise about four months late.
What you would actually want to be told:
"You did not have to buy your way into being useful."
"The old version of you is not the debt you think it is."
"You were good before the humbling as well."
"You were wanted. You just could not hear it."
Pick the thing that would keep you awake:
A rule you kept that turned out to be the wrong one.
Something you were responsible for and did not protect.
What you are capable of on a week when you are not okay.
The thing you said, at the exact worst possible moment.
How you are in a team:
You would rather do all of it yourself than trust it out.
You take the front, and you go back for whoever fell behind.
You argue, you are right, and it costs you the room.
You are the one nobody knows how to handle, yourself included.
Your instinct in a genuine crisis:
Get in front of it. Physically, if that is available.
Work out who is actually dangerous, and get near them.
Improvise something stupid that somehow works.
Look after yourself first, and hate it afterwards.
What you are actually afraid of:
That the good never outweighs the mess you made.
That people would not stay if they knew the whole story.
That you will hurt somebody you love without deciding to.
That everybody leaves, and that it turns out to be your fault.
Pick the compliment:
"You haven't changed, and thank goodness for that."
"You got better at this the hard way."
"You were wrong, and you said so, and you fixed it."
"You could have been anything, and you are still here."
The last quiet evening before something big. You are:
In the workshop, still fixing it, until somebody drags you out.
With the others, saying the plain thing nobody wants said.
Drinking, telling old stories, far too loud about all of it.
Alone, going over it again, sleeping about two hours.
The entry in the record, written long after:
"They were arrogant, and then they were genuinely great."
"The most powerful person there, and they chose carefully."
"They held a group of misfits together, somehow."
"They came good in the end, at the point it counted."
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Your explorer
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